


Staying Up

by phoebenavarro



Category: Next to Normal - Kitt/Yorkey
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Natalie is more of a mom to Diana than Diana is to Natalie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2166510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoebenavarro/pseuds/phoebenavarro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little view into Natalie's thoughts. Takes place before the events of the show, kind of a glimpse of day to day life for the Goodman family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Staying Up

    Natalie awoke with a start to movement coming from the downstairs. She slept lightly, and almost anything could wake her up. Her momentary fear quickly passed, as she rationalized that her mom must be doing something downstairs, probably something that wouldn't make any rational sense to anyone but her mother, as always. She wondered if her dad had been woken up, and listened for any sounds coming from her parents’ bedroom, but she couldn’t hear anything. She decided she might as well check on her mom, make sure she wasn't doing anything that could get her hurt. She glanced at the time. 2:03 AM. She didn’t have school that day, so it wasn’t like she’d be missing out on her sleep if anything serious was happening.

  
    She threw back her covers and stood up, stretching her back quickly, and made her way downstairs. She found her mom in the kitchen, making herself a cup of coffee.  
“Mom?” she asked, “What are you doing down here?” Her mom turned to look at her.  
“Oh, hi honey. I’m just waiting for your brother to get home. He went out with his friends tonight, and he’s not back yet,” she answered cheerily.

  
    Natalie felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Ah. She was having one of her delusions. It would do no good to remind her of reality, that her son had been dead for years; it would only make her confused and hurt. Dad told Natalie that the doctors always said that it was harmful to encourage her delusions, but then again, it also wasn’t a good thing to confuse her. Natalie sometimes wondered if the psychiatrists had any idea what they were doing, because there didn’t seem to be anything you could do without either encouraging the delusions or confusing her. Natalie decided that the only thing she could do was to get her to go back to bed, and hopefully she’d be better in the morning.

  
    “Jesus, Mom, you don’t have to wait up. You can go to bed,” she said, trying to put only as much force behind her words as was necessary. When her mom was hallucinating like that, she saw their family as being perfect, husband, wife, son, daughter, and that was the only time she was anything even resembling motherly to Natalie. When Natalie was younger, she almost liked that, because it was like she had a normal mom. Even now, she sometimes still felt that way, and she hated that she did.

  
    “I’m worried about him,” her mom replied, almost as if she didn’t hear her, “He keeps staying out later and later.”  
“I know, mom.”  
“He’s a real pain in the ass, you know,” she said.  
“Yeah, he is,” Natalie echoed. Her mom approached her and brushed her hair out of her eyes.  
“I can wait up for him, so you can get some sleep,” Natalie said, making eye contact. Her mom frowned at her.  
“I don’t want you to have to do that. He’s not your responsibility.”

  
    “Yeah, but it’s not like I have school tomorrow. I can stay up and then sleep in. You’ve got an appointment tomorrow morning. You need your sleep more than I do.” Her mom took a step back and stared at her.  
“Are you sure?” Natalie nodded. Her mom pulled her into a hug, and after a moment, Natalie wrapped her arms around her as well.  
“You’re such a wonderful daughter, and a wonderful sister, you know that?”

  
    “Am I,” Natalie repeated, only half questioning. She privately wondered in what world she would be considered a wonderful daughter. Maybe the one where her mom was considered a wonderful mother.  
“Yes, you are. You’re too good for that brother of yours.” She pulled away, and, despite everything, Natalie found herself feeling reluctant as she let go.

  
    “Oh, well, thanks mom. Go to bed,” Natalie said.  
“When he gets home, make sure you let him know that I am not happy with him, and that we will deal with him in the morning.”  
“Will do,” Natalie replied.  
“Night, dear.”  
“Good night, mom.”

  
    Natalie watched as her mother walked out of the kitchen and back upstairs. Natalie sat down at the kitchen table, feeling like she had just betrayed herself. She had, despite her past experience, let herself be affected by the things her mom had said to her, and now she was stuck sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for her brother who would never come home. Wasn’t that a fitting metaphor for her life. She had to wait at least and hour or two, to be sure that her mom was asleep and wouldn’t try to come back downstairs. She was mad at herself for even getting involved, because she knew she would get no thanks for it, not from her mom, and definitely not from her dad.

  
    She looked around the kitchen, frowning. She could go to the living room and try to sleep on the couch, but she honestly didn’t feel like moving. So she continued to sit at the table, and after a while, she laid her head down on the surface. She fell asleep, and dreamed of what life could have been like if their family had been the family that her mom envisioned.

  
    She woke up to sun filtering in the kitchen windows and her father making coffee. She blinked against the light and winced at the pain in her neck and back.  
“Dad?” she said.  
“Morning Natalie,” he replied. She sat up slowly, trying to stretch the stiffest areas of her torso. She could tell that he was tense. The way he was holding himself, like he was waiting for the whole house to collapse in on him, told her everything she needed to know. He was worried about mom’s appointment, and maybe a little angry about the delusions returning. She had gotten very good at reading her parents’ emotions over the years, seeing as they never talked about how they were feeling with anyone else.

  
    “What time is it? Shouldn’t you and mom have left already?” When her dad finally looked over at her, she felt his disappointment hit her like a wave. Not just in her, but in her mom’s worsening mental condition, and the general state of his life. Huh, she thought, you and me both. He coughed before speaking.  
“No, we’ve still got a little bit of time. It’s 8:30, her appointment is at 10:00,” he said, rubbing his eyes. She wondered if he’d slept much; it didn’t look like he had.

  
    “Oh,” Natalie replied, “How’s mom?”  
“She’s uh… She’s okay.” He said. Meaning she was still delusional. Natalie nodded.  
“Well, I’ve got homework to do,” She remarked as she stood up, hoping to avoid a discussion over why exactly she had fallen asleep at the kitchen table. She almost reached the doorway to the living room when her dad said, “Natalie.” So close. She stopped, suppressing a groan, and turned to look at him.

  
    “Your mom told me what happened last night.” He stopped, like he didn’t know what to say. That happened a lot with him. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.  
“Thanks for getting her back to bed, but we need to talk about it more, when we get home, okay?”  
“Yeah. Sure thing, dad.” He nodded and stared at the table. Natalie took that as her cue to leave, and she walked to the stairwell. She saw her mom coming down the stairs and ducked around to the other side, hoping she wouldn’t see her, but she was too slow.

  
    “Good morning, Natalie!” her mom said. Natalie turned to look at her.  
“Hi mom,” She replied, “You going to see Doctor Fine today?” Her mom nodded.  
“Cool, well, I’ve got a lot of homework to do. Have a good appointment,” Natalie said, giving a wave, and racing up the stairs, up to her room, and shutting the door before her mom could reply. She sat down on her bed and wondered if and when her life would get any better. College, probably, at least that’s what she kept telling herself. College and then living on her own, maybe marrying somebody, if she found someone willing to deal with her, and never ever having children. How could she be a mother when she had never had a real mother of her own? 

  
    She waited until her parents had left the house before going back downstairs. She got herself some breakfast and stared out the window as she ate her cereal. She knew she would be having a long conversation with her dad as soon as he got home, but for now, she could eat her cereal, and pretend her family was normal.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a little idea I had a long time ago. Critique is appreciated, this is kind of my first time posting any of my writing anywhere. The world always needs more Next to Normal fic


End file.
